June 9, 2014 § 5 Comments
Being forced to keep quiet not to challenge a relation, what kind of relation is that? Keeping quiet and being forced is (or can be) to lie to oneself my sambo suggested quite wisely I thought.
”If my sister’s daughter expressed strong opinions (about politics and the society) that wouldn’t challenge my relation to my sister!”
my sambo said.
”It’s not your responsibility to keep quiet to save your parents relation with a sibling!”
If it should challenge it you can start to wonder if that’s a sign of dysfunctions in this family.
Silencing and telling your child what it is allowed to say and not say what is that is violation of your child’s integrity, and right to think or feel what it feels and thinks. And the child maybe also have the right to express it if necessary or if she or he feels it’s necesssary or important.
This is to be allowed to be true to yourself. And you as a parent should allow your child to be true to her/himself.
You should be allowed this as long as you don’t hurt the other person.
Yes, has it been and is it still tip-toeing in this extended family of origin (with grandparents, sisters and brothers with their families)? A tip-toeing where you weren’t really allowed to be yourself? And what did this result in in the individual as well as in relations between family members? What did it do in the kids? In their view on themselves and their role in the family and latter in the society? How did this affect the self-esteem for instance?
To raise your voice demands a lot of courage, moral courage. Threatened that something awful would happen. You challenged your wellbeing? Would be frozen out? At the same time you shouldn’t lie, and you shouldn’t hide your light under a bushel!
This wasn’t easy to handle?