Double bind early in childhood…

April 14, 2012 § Leave a comment

If you aren’t capable of treating a child with enough respect, either as a mom or a dad or both, can you later really blame that child for hiding her light under the bushel, having a bad self-esteem and making herself invisible? Making her really feel wrong.

Is this what you would call double bind or double punishment?

“‘Double punishment’

This technique is slightly less obvious than the others. It is more a case of a culturally driven phenomenon that is fairly widespread in modern society. A typical example is the difficulty of reconciling different roles at home and at work.

Women are accused by those around them – more or less explicitly – of being inadequate mothers if they pursue careers. At the same time, they are thought to lack the necessary commitment at work if they give precedence to their home and family.

If they choose both, dissatisfaction may well grow in both quarters. Women may succumb to all the pressure and abandon their careers.

Double punishment can sometimes be difficult to deal with, but here are some hints:

• Be very careful when choosing your partner for life…

• …and be even more careful when choosing who you work for. Insist on the right to say no – or yes – to the boss without this leading to punishment of some kind, such as being bypassed for promotion.

• Estimate how much time you spend on housework and then come to an agreement with your partner, so that you share it equally.”

What would the adequate reaction from the child be, if she or he was allowed to react?

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